Our test was simple. We ordered a ten-pack of THC pee tests from Amazon for $7.99, and recruited a regular recreational weed smoker—a 28-year-old woman we’ll call “Jolene”—to test out these drinks over the course of a week without altering her normal weed habits. She’d try out one drink every two days, and take a control test before starting each one to make sure she was still testing positive before drinking them. Then she’d follow the directions on each bottle and see whether she could piss herself clean.
Photo on left from Getty Images. Right and all other photos via the author
Luckily for them, and those of us who enjoy the occasional after-work blunt or who use marijuana to treat otherwise unmanageable chronic illnesses, there’s an entire industry devoted to beating the dreaded piss test. With enough advanced notice, there might be several ways you could go—quitting outright, subbing your dirty pee with a straight edge friend’s. But if your boss springs the news on you with only hours to spare, you’ve got pretty much one viable option: detox drinks.
The drug tests we purchased are pretty standard pee tests. Basically you wee into a cup, take the cap off the drug test, and then submerge the little rectangular piece at the end for about ten seconds. Results take about five minutes. The test we bought for the purposes of this experiment are used specifically to detect THC and nothing else.
“Frequent urination indicates that you are experiencing optimal cleansing.”
These drinks can be expensive—up to $60 a pop—but that’s a small price to pay when your job may be on the line. They all offer the same thing: a same-day, temporary fix for your THC-tainted piss, so long as you use ‘em exactly as directed.
There are several of these on the market, “cleansing supplements” that, at a glance, seem to be nothing more than herbal energy drinks. On the back of each bottle, the language used is deliberately vague.
In the photo above, you’ll see Jolene’s first pre-drink test. It is very positive. The “C” on the test stands for “Control.” The line next to it appears whether the test is negative or positive. The “T” stands for “Test.” If a line appears in “T,” the test is negative. If no line appears, the test is positive. As you can see above, Jolene was not able to produce a “T” line because she is high af.
While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
Stinger Detox has a massive range of products, but what really makes them stand out is the “5x Extra Strength” drink, which can serve you a clean bill of urine in just 60-90 minutes. Way less time than most other detox drinks. Another added benefit is that you end up drinking way less fluid than most of the other detox drinks available. The initial bottle is only 237mL, which you refill twice with water and drink down. For a total of a measly 711mL. Pee three or four times prior to testing, then you’re good for testing. The company does note that their drinks work best if you steer clear of dairy products and eat healthily. They also suggest staying regularly hydrated with water. Which is good advice whether you’re testing or not.
Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse Stinger
Stinger Detox Deep System Cleanser
If you’ve got a bit more time on your hands before testing begins and want to try something a little more natural, there are a few options to get your urine clear and clean. Most of the natural drink approaches require at least a few days of non-smoking and heavy drinking. For hefty users and the slightly overweight stoner, you may want to give yourself a few smoke free weeks while cleansing with these beverages.
Best Detoxifiers for a Drug Test
For a healthy body, the best detox drink is a combination of water and time. Because marijuana is a fat soluble drug, the best way to clear it from your system fast is to eat healthy foods that are low in fat and sugar. Maintaining the ideal weight and staying well hydrated are also ways to prime your body to get rid of residuals quickly. If you’re a heavy smoker and you know you have a test coming up, stop smoking as far in advance as you can. The better your overall health is, the less time your body will take to clean itself out.
While Detoxify’s instructions don’t say anything about abstaining from food, they do suggest that you stop smoking for as long as possible before using their drinks. Once you’ve put down the pipe for a bit, drink the entire contents of the bottle, refill once with water, then pee three or four times. After that, you should be able to pass a drug test for up to the next five hours.
Short on time but need to clean out your body before a drug test? These detox drinks and best practices will help you prepare to pass with flying colors!