There are several of these on the market, “cleansing supplements” that, at a glance, seem to be nothing more than herbal energy drinks. On the back of each bottle, the language used is deliberately vague.
After three pees that, in Jolene’s words, “looked like I drank highlighter ink,” she took the test. It actually fucking worked. While the line was thin, it counted. Jolene tested negative for THC, despite having smoked several pre-noon bowls just hours before. We were both pretty shocked by this turn of events.
Photo on left from Getty Images. Right and all other photos via the author
When it comes to balancing a professional life with even a casual weed habit, American stoners have a delicate line to walk. Despite being recreationally legal in nine states and medicinally legal in 29, the federal ban on marijuana consumption means employers across the country have the right to refuse or terminate the employment of anyone who fails a drug test for THC.
But do they actually, like, work? This is a question even the most diligent Googler is wont to find. As it stands, all the available information on these detox drinks seems to be either an obvious paid promotion for one brand or another, or come from anons with usernames like Stoner4Lyfe420 on eight-year old marijuana message board threads.
It’s a light line, but it’s there.
While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
First up, we had Jolene try out a 17-ounce bottle of Rescue Detox. According to Karen, the very sweet Applied Sciences customer service lady we reached at the “LIVE SUPPORT” number listed at the bottom of the bottle, Jolene had to avoid eating for five hours before she did the cleanse. Luckily, it was Sunday, so Jolene had just woken up from a four and a half hour nap after spending the morning smoking and eating an entire large portion of Popeye’s mac and cheese, as one does.
The drug tests we purchased are pretty standard pee tests. Basically you wee into a cup, take the cap off the drug test, and then submerge the little rectangular piece at the end for about ten seconds. Results take about five minutes. The test we bought for the purposes of this experiment are used specifically to detect THC and nothing else.
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
- Avoid all toxins for a minimum of 48-72 hours (stop smoking weed&using drugs).
- It’s not allowed to eat and drink in the 4 hours leading up to taking Rescue Cleanse.
- Shake the bottle and drink all of it within ten minutes.
- Fill the bottle up with cold water and drink that in the next fifteen minutes.
- Try to pee a minimum twice in the next hour. Do not eat or drink.
If you are short on time, the fastest way to pass a drug test is actually synthetic urine. I’ll talk more about the pros and cons of synthetic urine Vs detox drinks in a moment, but it is the surefire way to pass.
So I talked about synthetic urine a moment ago. If you get good quality stuff, like Sub Solution, then it will pass any type of standard drug test. As long as you’ve got the courage to submit it, by smuggling it into the lab testing facility, then it will pass.
Ultra Eliminex is expensive compared to some of the other detox drinks. Sure, you can get cheaper with money off, but it is still about 20% more expensive. But there’s a reason for this, it’s the most powerful formula on the market today.
No matter how many drug metabolites you have got in your body, no matter what you have taken to produce those metabolites, Ultra Eliminex has the power and concentration to get everything out of your urine, and give you a clear window of around five hours during which you can submit a toxin-free sample, which will pass every time. There really is no more powerful detox drink out there right now. Click here for my detailed review.
It’s very easy to use, with the following straightforward instructions:
If you are a chronic weed smoker, I’m talking three or four joints a day, every single day, then the number of metabolites you have in your system will mean that any detox drink struggles. The reason for this is that the number of metabolites coming into your bladder will be constant, which means once you flush them out, within an hour or so they will be back present again.
As long as you submit your sample within about 2-3 hours of your final urination, then you should have a clean sample. Obviously the closer to taking Mega Clean that you submit the sample the better, as you’ll need to allow at least 90 minutes for it to work its magic.
This means you must never be fooled by any detox drinks which claim to target THC. They simply cannot do that, because all a detox drink does is interact in the bladder, it cannot affect any metabolites that are yet to enter it.
With so many people smoking weed, but employers still not giving jobs to people they detect smoking the occasional joint, it's no wonder that people are looking to use detox drinks for THC, to cover up the fact they smoke a bit of weed.