Luckily for them, and those of us who enjoy the occasional after-work blunt or who use marijuana to treat otherwise unmanageable chronic illnesses, there’s an entire industry devoted to beating the dreaded piss test. With enough advanced notice, there might be several ways you could go—quitting outright, subbing your dirty pee with a straight edge friend’s. But if your boss springs the news on you with only hours to spare, you’ve got pretty much one viable option: detox drinks.
But do they actually, like, work? This is a question even the most diligent Googler is wont to find. As it stands, all the available information on these detox drinks seems to be either an obvious paid promotion for one brand or another, or come from anons with usernames like Stoner4Lyfe420 on eight-year old marijuana message board threads.
These drinks can be expensive—up to $60 a pop—but that’s a small price to pay when your job may be on the line. They all offer the same thing: a same-day, temporary fix for your THC-tainted piss, so long as you use ‘em exactly as directed.
“Frequent urination indicates that you are experiencing optimal cleansing.”
It’s a light line, but it’s there.
While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
After three pees that, in Jolene’s words, “looked like I drank highlighter ink,” she took the test. It actually fucking worked. While the line was thin, it counted. Jolene tested negative for THC, despite having smoked several pre-noon bowls just hours before. We were both pretty shocked by this turn of events.
First up, we had Jolene try out a 17-ounce bottle of Rescue Detox. According to Karen, the very sweet Applied Sciences customer service lady we reached at the “LIVE SUPPORT” number listed at the bottom of the bottle, Jolene had to avoid eating for five hours before she did the cleanse. Luckily, it was Sunday, so Jolene had just woken up from a four and a half hour nap after spending the morning smoking and eating an entire large portion of Popeye’s mac and cheese, as one does.
Our test was simple. We ordered a ten-pack of THC pee tests from Amazon for $7.99, and recruited a regular recreational weed smoker—a 28-year-old woman we’ll call “Jolene”—to test out these drinks over the course of a week without altering her normal weed habits. She’d try out one drink every two days, and take a control test before starting each one to make sure she was still testing positive before drinking them. Then she’d follow the directions on each bottle and see whether she could piss herself clean.
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
Courtesy of Clear Choice
Julius Schorzman/ Wikimedia Commons
To really knock it out of the park, start using natural diuretics like coffee a few days in advance. Drink a lot of water and take some Vitamin B to put color back into your diluted urine. Then, on the day of the test, do a serious cleanse with this stuff and you’ll give yourself the best chances of passing.
December 10, 2019
Stinger Detox is building up a strong base of believers. In fact, it’s ranked number one pretty frequently by all sorts of people and sources, most notably Vice.
We’ll start our list of good detox drinks for weed with a classic: lemon juice and water. The idea with this one is to use a naturally acidic liquid to encourage some serious detoxification.
When it comes to detox drinks for weed that work, there’s arguably nothing more classic than cranberry juice.
If we have to pick one best detox drink, we’re going to go with Stinger Detox. It’s known for being very potent and since it’s designed to function as a same-day cleanser it should work very fast.
Then, go pee at least three to four times right before you go take your drug test. This is a good product to get your body hydrated and to encourage a lot of detoxification, so get ready to drink and pee.
Have a drug test coming up and looking for good detox drinks for weed? Luckily you have a lot of options. Here are some of the best detox drinks for weed.