When it comes to balancing a professional life with even a casual weed habit, American stoners have a delicate line to walk. Despite being recreationally legal in nine states and medicinally legal in 29, the federal ban on marijuana consumption means employers across the country have the right to refuse or terminate the employment of anyone who fails a drug test for THC.
For context, Jolene’s marijuana consumption is probably slightly, but not much, below average for stoners. She smokes a bowl most days after work, and blazes up two to three times a day on the weekends. Occasionally she’ll have an edible or do a dab, but says she usually sticks to traditional smoking methods—bowls, bongs, and joints. Most of these drinks caution “heavy” users to double their dosage, or go with a more concentrated version, so if you smoke more or less than Jolene, you’re likely to have different results. And none of the results we got here should be considered scientific or at all conclusive.
After three pees that, in Jolene’s words, “looked like I drank highlighter ink,” she took the test. It actually fucking worked. While the line was thin, it counted. Jolene tested negative for THC, despite having smoked several pre-noon bowls just hours before. We were both pretty shocked by this turn of events.
But do they actually, like, work? This is a question even the most diligent Googler is wont to find. As it stands, all the available information on these detox drinks seems to be either an obvious paid promotion for one brand or another, or come from anons with usernames like Stoner4Lyfe420 on eight-year old marijuana message board threads.
It’s a light line, but it’s there.
The drink itself was a bright, neon yellow that looked slightly radioactive. Jolene said it tasted like synthetic blueberries and had a distinct aftertaste. She chugged it down over the course of ten minutes, and then refilled the bottle twice, choking down gulp after gulp of weird-tasting water until her stomach was bursting with 1.5 liters of liquid.
While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
“Drink the entire bottle 60 to 90 minutes before your desired time.”
Karen told her to drink Rescue an hour before “cleansing time,” then refill the bottle with water twice and drink that within 30 minutes. She was then supposed to pee three times, after which she should be good to go for three to five hours. Quite a lot of work!
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
There’s a lot of bunk information out there with “quick fixes” for detoxing. Most of them are bogus and will not accomplish the results you seek. Some faulty methods to avoid include:
The best method to flush your system of cannabis will always be a natural cleanse. Although it takes the longest, it is by far the most thorough and effective. There are several methods of natural detox, all of which may be used in conjunction. Most are pleasurable and good for the body, making them positive habits to practice for good health whether detoxing or not. Consider the following for an all-natural detox experience.
If depression and anxiety are more clinical, consider taking advantage of resources such as therapy. Whatever the reason, be kind to yourself during detox.
Opt for teas with high levels of antioxidants, or liver-cleansing teas such as dandelion or milk thistle. This is a simple, enjoyable way to help the body along with the marijuana detox process.
A happy bonus to this method will be an increase in production of anandamide, which is the body’s natural “bliss” molecule. If you’ve ever experienced a “runner’s high,” you know the euphoric sensation this endocannabinoid provides. Thus, exercise will help you decrease detectable cannabinoids while simultaneously soothing the transition with endocannabinoids.
A detox is the process of abstaining from consuming a substance in order to cleanse the body of any trace. In this case, the goal would be a THC cleanse. By abstaining from consuming cannabis, the body is able to flush THC from the system.
Most “quick fix” methods are based in myth and should not be trusted. Don’t default to questionable and unreliable methods. If you’re wondering how to pass a drug test for cannabis without taking a cleansing break, know that detoxification is a lengthy process. No vitamin, juice, tea, or chemical will magically flush the body of cannabis overnight or in a short period of time.
If you are suffering from higher levels of depression, anxiety, or even irritability while detoxing, it will be extra important to be gentle with yourself and take care of your mental health. This may mean different things for different people. For some, exercise or activities such as yoga and meditation may be a valuable resource to stabilize mood.
On the note of treating yourself kindly, be sure to nurture yourself during detoxification. The process of detox is already a very nurturing, healthy journey, with improvements to diet and exercise. Consider the experience a chance to take care of yourself and you may find your entire perspective of detox shifting. Think of this time as a vacation, where you give yourself permission to worry less and pamper more.
How do you get THC out of your system before a drug test? Learn how to naturally detox from weed and use products like detox drinks and clay powders.