It’s a light line, but it’s there.
Photo on left from Getty Images. Right and all other photos via the author
Karen told her to drink Rescue an hour before “cleansing time,” then refill the bottle with water twice and drink that within 30 minutes. She was then supposed to pee three times, after which she should be good to go for three to five hours. Quite a lot of work!
Luckily for them, and those of us who enjoy the occasional after-work blunt or who use marijuana to treat otherwise unmanageable chronic illnesses, there’s an entire industry devoted to beating the dreaded piss test. With enough advanced notice, there might be several ways you could go—quitting outright, subbing your dirty pee with a straight edge friend’s. But if your boss springs the news on you with only hours to spare, you’ve got pretty much one viable option: detox drinks.
The drink itself was a bright, neon yellow that looked slightly radioactive. Jolene said it tasted like synthetic blueberries and had a distinct aftertaste. She chugged it down over the course of ten minutes, and then refilled the bottle twice, choking down gulp after gulp of weird-tasting water until her stomach was bursting with 1.5 liters of liquid.
In the photo above, you’ll see Jolene’s first pre-drink test. It is very positive. The “C” on the test stands for “Control.” The line next to it appears whether the test is negative or positive. The “T” stands for “Test.” If a line appears in “T,” the test is negative. If no line appears, the test is positive. As you can see above, Jolene was not able to produce a “T” line because she is high af.
“Frequent urination indicates that you are experiencing optimal cleansing.”
For context, Jolene’s marijuana consumption is probably slightly, but not much, below average for stoners. She smokes a bowl most days after work, and blazes up two to three times a day on the weekends. Occasionally she’ll have an edible or do a dab, but says she usually sticks to traditional smoking methods—bowls, bongs, and joints. Most of these drinks caution “heavy” users to double their dosage, or go with a more concentrated version, so if you smoke more or less than Jolene, you’re likely to have different results. And none of the results we got here should be considered scientific or at all conclusive.
According to a poll released by the Society for Human Resource Management, about 57 percent of American companies subject employees to drug tests. That’s down significantly from 81 percent in 1996, possibly because employers are finding it increasingly difficult to find quality candidates who are able to pass.
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
Q: I weigh more than 230 pounds. Will Stinger still work for me?
A: Yes, but you will need two bottles of Stinger 1 Liquid or one bottle of Stinger Buzz 5X along with Stinger SuperMAXX Accelerator Caplets for optimal results.
Q: How often can I take a Stinger products?
A: You can take Stinger products as often as you need to.
Q: I heard “DETOX” products are not legal. Is Stinger legal?
A: While it may be illegal to consume certain toxins such as Marijuana or Cocaine, there is nothing illegal about trying to rid yourself of them. Stinger Detox products are not “MASKS” or adulterants. Stinger detox products ARE NOT designed to interfere with drug tests or to give false results. They contain carefully chosen ingredients that help accelerate the body’s natural cleansing processes.
Q: Can Stinger be detected by a test?
A: The ingredients in all Stinger products are legal and safe when taken as directed. Tests are looking for banned or illegal substances. Stinger products are not “masking agents” nor do they interfere with any tests. When you pass a test, it is because you are clean without any detectable levesl of illicit substances. It is not because you “fooled” or tampered with the test.
Q: How long will I stay clean?
A: You will stay clean for up to 5 hours after you finish taking Stinger Total Detox. But your PEAK clean time will be 60-90 minutes after taking Stinger. Afterward, toxins may seep back into your system from your fat cells.
Q: What if I’ve been exposed to toxins in the last 48 hours?
A: We suggest doubling up on our standard 1 Hr. Detox or using the Buzz 5X or 5x Instant along with Stinger SuperMAXX Accelerator Caplets.
Q: Is Stinger safe?
A: If you have any questions about Stinger being right for you, ask your doctor. We cannot give medical advice.
Q: Can I drink alcohol while taking the 7 Day Permatox?
A: Alcohol is not recommended.
Q: Why are there no herbs in Stinger Total Detox?
A: Herbal cleansers have questionable potency and do not always work. Stinger ingredients are made the same way that drugs and vitamins are made. Their potencies are carefully controlled and monitored. With herbs you simply don’t know what you are getting.
Stinger detox products are manufactured in state-of-the-art FDA registered facilities to the absolute highest speciﬁcations.