In the photo above, you’ll see Jolene’s first pre-drink test. It is very positive. The “C” on the test stands for “Control.” The line next to it appears whether the test is negative or positive. The “T” stands for “Test.” If a line appears in “T,” the test is negative. If no line appears, the test is positive. As you can see above, Jolene was not able to produce a “T” line because she is high af.
Photo on left from Getty Images. Right and all other photos via the author
“Frequent urination indicates that you are experiencing optimal cleansing.”
For context, Jolene’s marijuana consumption is probably slightly, but not much, below average for stoners. She smokes a bowl most days after work, and blazes up two to three times a day on the weekends. Occasionally she’ll have an edible or do a dab, but says she usually sticks to traditional smoking methods—bowls, bongs, and joints. Most of these drinks caution “heavy” users to double their dosage, or go with a more concentrated version, so if you smoke more or less than Jolene, you’re likely to have different results. And none of the results we got here should be considered scientific or at all conclusive.
When it comes to balancing a professional life with even a casual weed habit, American stoners have a delicate line to walk. Despite being recreationally legal in nine states and medicinally legal in 29, the federal ban on marijuana consumption means employers across the country have the right to refuse or terminate the employment of anyone who fails a drug test for THC.
While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
As such, we decided to put three brands to the test:
After three pees that, in Jolene’s words, “looked like I drank highlighter ink,” she took the test. It actually fucking worked. While the line was thin, it counted. Jolene tested negative for THC, despite having smoked several pre-noon bowls just hours before. We were both pretty shocked by this turn of events.
There are several of these on the market, “cleansing supplements” that, at a glance, seem to be nothing more than herbal energy drinks. On the back of each bottle, the language used is deliberately vague.
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
Ultra Eliminex is expensive compared to some of the other detox drinks. Sure, you can get cheaper with money off, but it is still about 20% more expensive. But there’s a reason for this, it’s the most powerful formula on the market today.
Well, I’m going to tell you the answers right now. We’re going to look at detox drinks vs synthetic urine, what the best detox drinks are, and if you’re in trouble, what the fastest way to pass a drug test actually is.
Table of Contents
If you are a chronic weed smoker, I’m talking three or four joints a day, every single day, then the number of metabolites you have in your system will mean that any detox drink struggles. The reason for this is that the number of metabolites coming into your bladder will be constant, which means once you flush them out, within an hour or so they will be back present again.
There are some real questions around detox drinks for THC. Like do they actually work? Can you even get a detox drink that targets THC metabolites at all?
What it does is to flush the toxins out of your bladder, so that you have clean urine for a few hours. Now with any other sort of liquid, that would also make your sample unusual. So a detox drink that is good quality, contains nutrients, minerals and things like creatine so that your urine appears natural.
So I talked about synthetic urine a moment ago. If you get good quality stuff, like Sub Solution, then it will pass any type of standard drug test. As long as you’ve got the courage to submit it, by smuggling it into the lab testing facility, then it will pass.
Also, you can’t really submit synthetic urine if it’s a supervised drug test, although they tend to be under the order of courts, probation, or for insurance purposes, rather than the more standard pre-employment, and on-the-job testing.
With so many people smoking weed, but employers still not giving jobs to people they detect smoking the occasional joint, it’s no wonder that people are looking to use detox drinks for THC, to cover up the fact they smoke a bit of weed.
With so many people smoking weed, but employers still not giving jobs to people they detect smoking the occasional joint, it's no wonder that people are looking to use detox drinks for THC, to cover up the fact they smoke a bit of weed.