No matter how many drug metabolites you have got in your body, no matter what you have taken to produce those metabolites, Ultra Eliminex has the power and concentration to get everything out of your urine, and give you a clear window of around five hours during which you can submit a toxin-free sample, which will pass every time. There really is no more powerful detox drink out there right now. Click here for my detailed review.
If you are a chronic weed smoker, I’m talking three or four joints a day, every single day, then the number of metabolites you have in your system will mean that any detox drink struggles. The reason for this is that the number of metabolites coming into your bladder will be constant, which means once you flush them out, within an hour or so they will be back present again.
The only downside with synthetic urine is that you have to submit it within the human urine temperature range, which is a very small range that varies by only 10°F. That means, unless you have complete control over the sample temperature, you could get caught out and have your sample rejected for being too hot, or too cold.
So a detox drink is good if you are only a light user or smoker. If you have heavy toxin exposure, you could only get a couple of hours before your sample contains metabolites again.
Well, I’m going to tell you the answers right now. We’re going to look at detox drinks vs synthetic urine, what the best detox drinks are, and if you’re in trouble, what the fastest way to pass a drug test actually is.
There are actually very few detox drinks out there that genuinely work. Mega Clean is one of those few that actually does the job it’s designed to do.
Also, you can’t really submit synthetic urine if it’s a supervised drug test, although they tend to be under the order of courts, probation, or for insurance purposes, rather than the more standard pre-employment, and on-the-job testing.
However, it does take nerves of steel to smuggle urine in, so the fastest way to pass a drug test, could also then be a detox drink. As long as you have got two hours notice, you could pass using a detox drink. Whether you are using detox drinks for THC masking, or any type of drug metabolite, then it will come down to the quality of the detox drink, and how many metabolites you have got in your body.
It works by flushing out the toxins in your bladder and urinary tract. But unlike water, it also replaces the nutrients and balance lost during that flushing out process. It contains ingredients like creatine, vitamins, and minerals, found in human urine, that help the balance to be naturally ready for testing by the lab.
With so many people smoking weed, but employers still not giving jobs to people they detect smoking the occasional joint, it's no wonder that people are looking to use detox drinks for THC, to cover up the fact they smoke a bit of weed.
Photo on left from Getty Images. Right and all other photos via the author
But do they actually, like, work? This is a question even the most diligent Googler is wont to find. As it stands, all the available information on these detox drinks seems to be either an obvious paid promotion for one brand or another, or come from anons with usernames like Stoner4Lyfe420 on eight-year old marijuana message board threads.
According to a poll released by the Society for Human Resource Management, about 57 percent of American companies subject employees to drug tests. That’s down significantly from 81 percent in 1996, possibly because employers are finding it increasingly difficult to find quality candidates who are able to pass.
After three pees that, in Jolene’s words, “looked like I drank highlighter ink,” she took the test. It actually fucking worked. While the line was thin, it counted. Jolene tested negative for THC, despite having smoked several pre-noon bowls just hours before. We were both pretty shocked by this turn of events.
While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
For context, Jolene’s marijuana consumption is probably slightly, but not much, below average for stoners. She smokes a bowl most days after work, and blazes up two to three times a day on the weekends. Occasionally she’ll have an edible or do a dab, but says she usually sticks to traditional smoking methods—bowls, bongs, and joints. Most of these drinks caution “heavy” users to double their dosage, or go with a more concentrated version, so if you smoke more or less than Jolene, you’re likely to have different results. And none of the results we got here should be considered scientific or at all conclusive.
These drinks can be expensive—up to $60 a pop—but that’s a small price to pay when your job may be on the line. They all offer the same thing: a same-day, temporary fix for your THC-tainted piss, so long as you use ‘em exactly as directed.
The drink itself was a bright, neon yellow that looked slightly radioactive. Jolene said it tasted like synthetic blueberries and had a distinct aftertaste. She chugged it down over the course of ten minutes, and then refilled the bottle twice, choking down gulp after gulp of weird-tasting water until her stomach was bursting with 1.5 liters of liquid.
As such, we decided to put three brands to the test:
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.