While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
Karen told her to drink Rescue an hour before “cleansing time,” then refill the bottle with water twice and drink that within 30 minutes. She was then supposed to pee three times, after which she should be good to go for three to five hours. Quite a lot of work!
Our test was simple. We ordered a ten-pack of THC pee tests from Amazon for $7.99, and recruited a regular recreational weed smoker—a 28-year-old woman we’ll call “Jolene”—to test out these drinks over the course of a week without altering her normal weed habits. She’d try out one drink every two days, and take a control test before starting each one to make sure she was still testing positive before drinking them. Then she’d follow the directions on each bottle and see whether she could piss herself clean.
But do they actually, like, work? This is a question even the most diligent Googler is wont to find. As it stands, all the available information on these detox drinks seems to be either an obvious paid promotion for one brand or another, or come from anons with usernames like Stoner4Lyfe420 on eight-year old marijuana message board threads.
The drink itself was a bright, neon yellow that looked slightly radioactive. Jolene said it tasted like synthetic blueberries and had a distinct aftertaste. She chugged it down over the course of ten minutes, and then refilled the bottle twice, choking down gulp after gulp of weird-tasting water until her stomach was bursting with 1.5 liters of liquid.
For context, Jolene’s marijuana consumption is probably slightly, but not much, below average for stoners. She smokes a bowl most days after work, and blazes up two to three times a day on the weekends. Occasionally she’ll have an edible or do a dab, but says she usually sticks to traditional smoking methods—bowls, bongs, and joints. Most of these drinks caution “heavy” users to double their dosage, or go with a more concentrated version, so if you smoke more or less than Jolene, you’re likely to have different results. And none of the results we got here should be considered scientific or at all conclusive.
Luckily for them, and those of us who enjoy the occasional after-work blunt or who use marijuana to treat otherwise unmanageable chronic illnesses, there’s an entire industry devoted to beating the dreaded piss test. With enough advanced notice, there might be several ways you could go—quitting outright, subbing your dirty pee with a straight edge friend’s. But if your boss springs the news on you with only hours to spare, you’ve got pretty much one viable option: detox drinks.
These drinks can be expensive—up to $60 a pop—but that’s a small price to pay when your job may be on the line. They all offer the same thing: a same-day, temporary fix for your THC-tainted piss, so long as you use ‘em exactly as directed.
When it comes to balancing a professional life with even a casual weed habit, American stoners have a delicate line to walk. Despite being recreationally legal in nine states and medicinally legal in 29, the federal ban on marijuana consumption means employers across the country have the right to refuse or terminate the employment of anyone who fails a drug test for THC.
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
Most of the toxins in our bodies are mitigated and eliminated thanks to the help of our liver and kidneys. Key points to remember in keeping these filter organs happy are to drink plenty of water, eat a low sodium, low sugar diet, and try and abstain from high amounts of alcohol use. The happier these organs are, the quicker you self clean.
Diet and Exercise Detox
Detoxing for a drug test can be a nightmare, especially if you’ve only got a little bit of time to clean out your system. Because weed can stay in your system far longer than almost any other recreational drug, getting clean urine on the quick can be a sticky subject for marijuana smokers.
Cranberry juice & drug tests are almost synonymous. Before detox drinks hit the market, every stoner everywhere would suggest cranberry juice cleanses a few days before drug testing for favorable results. Which isn’t as hokey as it sounds. While you have to make sure and get the 100% juice stuff (as the juice concentrates are filled with sugar and other juices that significantly reduce effectiveness), pure cranberry juice has a multitude of health benefits specifically designed for your urinary system. It can help flush the kidneys, lymphatic system, and intestines of toxins. It can also help treat the symptoms of minor urinary tract infections. Start the juice cleanse about a week before testing and add some water and B vitamins into the mix to sufficiently dilute your urine and get your system out of the gutter.
Despite weed being legal in nine states across the US, federal bans still require some users to “pee clean” for certain occupations, which seems pretty unfair for a casual user. While it’s by far the least dangerous drug taken recreationally, it can take weeks to completely get out of our bodies, even though it only takes a few hours to stop making us high. This is all due to how the body processes marijuana, and each individual body processes it a bit differently. Weed is a fat-soluble drug, which means that it binds to fats in our bodies. So for heavy consumers- both people who smoke a lot, and/or people who are overweight, this can be a really tricky test to pass.
Published : 05/1/2019 10:38:41
Categories : Marijuana and cannabis Blog
Short on time but need to clean out your body before a drug test? These detox drinks and best practices will help you prepare to pass with flying colors!