It’s a light line, but it’s there.
“Drink the entire bottle 60 to 90 minutes before your desired time.”
Karen told her to drink Rescue an hour before “cleansing time,” then refill the bottle with water twice and drink that within 30 minutes. She was then supposed to pee three times, after which she should be good to go for three to five hours. Quite a lot of work!
First up, we had Jolene try out a 17-ounce bottle of Rescue Detox. According to Karen, the very sweet Applied Sciences customer service lady we reached at the “LIVE SUPPORT” number listed at the bottom of the bottle, Jolene had to avoid eating for five hours before she did the cleanse. Luckily, it was Sunday, so Jolene had just woken up from a four and a half hour nap after spending the morning smoking and eating an entire large portion of Popeye’s mac and cheese, as one does.
In the photo above, you’ll see Jolene’s first pre-drink test. It is very positive. The “C” on the test stands for “Control.” The line next to it appears whether the test is negative or positive. The “T” stands for “Test.” If a line appears in “T,” the test is negative. If no line appears, the test is positive. As you can see above, Jolene was not able to produce a “T” line because she is high af.
But do they actually, like, work? This is a question even the most diligent Googler is wont to find. As it stands, all the available information on these detox drinks seems to be either an obvious paid promotion for one brand or another, or come from anons with usernames like Stoner4Lyfe420 on eight-year old marijuana message board threads.
According to a poll released by the Society for Human Resource Management, about 57 percent of American companies subject employees to drug tests. That’s down significantly from 81 percent in 1996, possibly because employers are finding it increasingly difficult to find quality candidates who are able to pass.
Luckily for them, and those of us who enjoy the occasional after-work blunt or who use marijuana to treat otherwise unmanageable chronic illnesses, there’s an entire industry devoted to beating the dreaded piss test. With enough advanced notice, there might be several ways you could go—quitting outright, subbing your dirty pee with a straight edge friend’s. But if your boss springs the news on you with only hours to spare, you’ve got pretty much one viable option: detox drinks.
While Jeff Sessions seems to believe otherwise, countless studies have shown marijuana to be significantly less dangerous than other Schedule I drugs like heroin and cocaine and much safer than legal substances like alcohol and tobacco. To add insult to injury, when it comes to pre- or post-employment drug testing—which most often takes the form of a urine test—marijuana is the substance that takes the longest to get out of your system.
From the Stinger Detox to the Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse & Rescue Detox, we tested these detox drinks that say they’ll help you pass a urine test.
Despite weed being legal in nine states across the US, federal bans still require some users to “pee clean” for certain occupations, which seems pretty unfair for a casual user. While it’s by far the least dangerous drug taken recreationally, it can take weeks to completely get out of our bodies, even though it only takes a few hours to stop making us high. This is all due to how the body processes marijuana, and each individual body processes it a bit differently. Weed is a fat-soluble drug, which means that it binds to fats in our bodies. So for heavy consumers- both people who smoke a lot, and/or people who are overweight, this can be a really tricky test to pass.
The best science that money can buy for assign a drug test can now come in a bottle. While some of these drinks are disgusting at minimum, and can cause some tummy discomfort at maximum, they can get you peeing clean and clear in just a few hours. Even if you’re a heavy user.
Detoxify Xxtraclean Herbal Cleanse Stinger
Possibly one of the best known commercially available detox drinks on the market, Rescue Detox drinks are pretty effective. They come in a range of flavors and work within just a few hours. To use, you have to avoid eating for five hours prior to drinking the concoction. An hour or two before testing, drink the full bottle and refill with water twice. Once you’ve drank the whopping 1.5 liters of liquid, pee three times and you should be good to go clean for the nest 3-5 hours.
If you’ve got a bit more time on your hands before testing begins and want to try something a little more natural, there are a few options to get your urine clear and clean. Most of the natural drink approaches require at least a few days of non-smoking and heavy drinking. For hefty users and the slightly overweight stoner, you may want to give yourself a few smoke free weeks while cleansing with these beverages.
Stinger Detox has a massive range of products, but what really makes them stand out is the “5x Extra Strength” drink, which can serve you a clean bill of urine in just 60-90 minutes. Way less time than most other detox drinks. Another added benefit is that you end up drinking way less fluid than most of the other detox drinks available. The initial bottle is only 237mL, which you refill twice with water and drink down. For a total of a measly 711mL. Pee three or four times prior to testing, then you’re good for testing. The company does note that their drinks work best if you steer clear of dairy products and eat healthily. They also suggest staying regularly hydrated with water. Which is good advice whether you’re testing or not.
Detoxing for a drug test can be a nightmare, especially if you’ve only got a little bit of time to clean out your system. Because weed can stay in your system far longer than almost any other recreational drug, getting clean urine on the quick can be a sticky subject for marijuana smokers.
Got an upcoming exam that you need to “study” for? We’ve got your “drug test, how to pass” cliff notes right here.
Short on time but need to clean out your body before a drug test? These detox drinks and best practices will help you prepare to pass with flying colors!