I’m not an expert and I’ve never heard of a magic bullet, but from being involved with drugs, being around addicts and ex-addicts, and from my own experiences I know cocaine, heroin, and speed are all out of your system in a couple of days. The same for LSD, which I’m not even sure can be tested for. Weed is the tough one, though, especially for a hardcore smoker. THC stays in your body for up to three weeks or more if the person is hefty. It gets in your fat cells. The important thing to remember is to drink a ton of water and try to pee it out beforehand. You don’t want to give them concentrated morning piss. You want it as diluted as possible when you take the test. That’s what I’ve learned taking literally hundreds of urine tests. I’ve also written about the many ways that prisoners beat them.
What about dilution? How much water should your drink?
Cooper: There’s a rhyme that says, “The solution to pollution is dilution.” There’s a lot of truth to that. The problem is when we dilute and drink a lot of water—the idea is to drink it an hour before your test—you pee really nothing but water. The amounts of THC are not high enough to be detectable. The problem is that the color of the urine is the same color as pure water. When they see that, it’s usually flagged as a test that’s been tampered with. That’s why a lot of these products, these detox drinks, they tell you to drink a lot of water with it. But it has niacin and other colorings added to it on purpose so your urine is a normal color after diluting.
Are their any over the counter or internet products you recommend?
Armentano: I wouldn’t feel comfortable endorsing any product. Particularly products that are sold over the internet.
Cooper: THC does hide in the fat cells. It hides in the fat cells of every body—no matter their weight. These detoxifier drinks, exercising, and drinking a lot of water prior to a test can flush those things out of the system. It’s a two layer protection system. The detoxifiers will help get the THC out of the fat cells and they also supply something in case it didn’t get all of it. It covers THC leaks and hides that from the testers.
I like to consider myself a pro on beating drug tests because I’ve passed numerous—even some close calls—while on probation, in prison, and on parole. I would have only tested positive for weed, but a dirty for marijuana could’ve sent me to “the hole” for 60 days or back to prison when I hit the street. I passed my first drug test when I was out on bond in 1991. I was getting ready to embark on a journey as a fugitive and had to pass the urine tests as a condition of my bond. But there was no way I was going to stop smoking marijuana. That was my lifeline back then. I went to the local head shop in Northern Virginia and bought a bottle of Golden Seal. I took the capsules, drank tons of water, and passed the test. One of many.
Armentano: The test itself is screening for metabolites, which are breakdown products of certain active drugs. The test is going to be more sensitive or more likely to detect those metabolites when the urine is concentrated. The less concentrated or the more diluted the sample is, the less sensitive or accurate the test is going to be. Consuming any sort of fluid, but particularly diuretic fluids, in the hours prior to a test is going to lead to a less concentrated sample, and thus is going to lead to a less sensitive test result. But of course, drug testing labs are well aware of people trying to dilute their urine through the use of fluids, and there’s a number of different ways they try to test to see if a sample is overly diluted or not. Again, it’s all cat-and-mouse kind of game.
Armentano: Abstinence is the only sure-fire way to beat a drug test. And of course, drug tests and labs are human. It’s even possible that somebody may have never been exposed to illicit drugs and could have an unfortunate incidence where their test comes back positive anyway. That’s why our samples are generally split into an A sample and a B sample. In case something like that happens.
I took my last drug test in January 2016, when I got off federal probation, and I’ve been toking up ever since. But with so many people getting drug tested these days and the outdated War on Drugs mentality still prevalent, it’s still not a terrible idea to know how to beat these things when they come up. As such, I contacted two experts on the subject for VICE.
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Some of the detoxifying drinks may work.
If the first test comes back negative, you’ll be able to set your mind at ease, as the likelihood of you failing the real test is greatly reduced. If this first test comes back positive, you now have an opportunity to practice diluting your urine. Go about your normal morning routine and add a few glasses of extra water to it.
If you are amongst the majority and have knowledge of an upcoming drug test, then you have something essential that you must make the most of – time. Use this time to adhere to as much of the following information as you can in order to increase your odds of passing a drug test.
Follow this advice if you’ve been able to adhere to the above guidelines of diet and exercise, which would ensure that your fat reserves are willing and capable of absorbing any free floating THC metabolites that may be lingering around.
If at all possible, try to schedule your drug test appointment in the afternoon and pee several times before providing a sample. If you’re still worried that you will fail or you’re here because you got hit with a “random” drug test, keep reading below.
The fiber, vitamin A, and vitamin C in fruits and vegetables will kick your metabolism up a notch. Spicy foods, believe it or not, also increases your metabolism. During this phase, avoid fried foods like the plague. As you may know, the reason for this is because THC gets stored in the fat cells and lipid tissues throughout your entire body. Eating fatty foods will only assist in storing more THC, thus, increasing your marijuana detection window and your odds of failing a urine drug test.
As counter intuitive as this sounds, you don’t want your body burning off THC and depositing THC metabolites to your bladder when you’re about to give someone a urine sample. By eating junk food and slowing your metabolism, your fat cells, depleted at this point (if you were able to maintain an exercise routine) will reabsorb some of the free floating THC for a short time.
A few hours before your test, drink a tall glass of water, take the energy drink, then continue drinking water until you feel that you can’t drink anymore. Pee and clear your bladder of as much urine as you can before the test. Drink some more water, wait, and then give your urine sample.
We recommend purchasing some low cost THC-only test strips from Ebay or Amazon. Use two of them for any given day. Use one first thing in the morning. This is when your urine will be the “dirtiest”, as your bladder has been collecting the by products of your body throughout the night during your sleep.
A few days before your test, start adding fatty foods back into your diet. Any fast food chain that serves deep fat fried items will do. If you’ve been working out to burn off THC laced fat cells, stop exercising and let your metabolism return to normal.
Best Recommendations to Prepare for a Cannabis Drug Test The main reason why people get drug tested is because they’re seeking employment (not surprised?). In fact, pre-employment drug screening