They eventually got me to bed, and the next day I had to go to the doctor to find out I broke two ribs. How did I break them? By slipping on a piece of ice in the kitchen. That is the story everyone who doesn’t know this real story, like most of my family, has been told over the past five years. Sorry fam! But still, rouge ice is a real thing.
My parents traveled back from Amsterdam with two pre-rolled joints to Oklahoma. They didn’t try to hide it, or even think to be concerned, they just kept them in a Ziploc bag in their suitcase, I’m guessing next to the Ziploc bag of hotel bath soaps because you know – parents. I can’t imagine how nervous I would be in that situation, but to my parents, they were of the mindset that they were bringing medicine back for my grandmother, whom was battling through an illness and our family was looking for anything to offer pain relief. To them they weren’t transporting a drug, they were bringing home medicine. It’s still cute to me though, they never thought to worry.
I went back inside. Nothing. I need water. I turned the corner fast, even though I thought I was moving soooo slooww (say that in slow mo with me) and ran directly into the kitchen island. My rib cage screamed. After a few steps I made it around the next corner and fell face down into the carpet. I couldn’t move. Face actually down into the carpet. You never realize how nice and comforting having your weightless head face down in the carpet is until you have your weightless head face down in the carpet. Dog hair though.
My parents rushed in, but my mother, unbeknownst to me, decided to try, responsibly, one puff. When she saw me on the floor, she was doing everything she could to make sure I was okay, but also couldn’t stop laughing, which then made my dad start laughing uncontrollably. I couldn’t laugh because my face was in the carpet. Because this is my world. I know what I’m doing.
Marijuana and me (which is not a sequel to “Marley and Me” that I know of) now have a wonderful relationship and it’s a pretty big part my life. However, that relationship had to start like dating, I had to form it and become comfortable with it.
We sat on the back porch, and me wanting to show off, I took the pre-roll, lit it up and puffed away like a magic dragon. My mother even said, “Shouldn’t you just take a hit or two?”
His thinking was that would mean the most organic and the healthiest choice. What the budtender heard however, maybe with all being lost-in-international-non-stoner-translation, is the flower with the highest THC content.
“Oh mother, you’re so silly. This is my world. I know what I’m doing. You might have accidentally smuggled drugs across countries but just watch and learn,” I said, as the joint hung from my lips and I took a sip of wine ala Kramer style.
“He said it was 100% THC,” my father explained after the fact, not really knowing what THC means or the fact that “100% THC” doesn’t exist in flower. We later found out on a discarded label that is was close to 40% THC, which is still to this day the strongest I’ve seen.
“He said it was 100% THC,” my father explained after the fact, not really knowing what THC means or the…
Most people think of THC as the sole intoxicating force behind weed, but the cannabis plant actually produces more than 100 active chemicals called cannabinoids. THC is just one of them. THCa is another, which, as it is heated, converts to THC. Each one of these cannabinoids interacts differently with our brains and each has its own physiological response.
This is one of the holy grails of the legal weed industry: If they can develop a way to control pot’s effects, the market for both medical and recreational cannabis will exponentially increase. In theory, pot products could replace a whole slew of side-effect-heavy drugs, from anti-inflammatory medications like aspirin or ibuprofen to anti-anxiety medications like Xanax and Klonopin.
Both Guild Extracts and Oleum Extracts have released other single-cannabinoid or single-terpene concentrates, giving customers the ability to handpick their specific intoxicant. Who knows? Maybe in the future, instead of asking your friends if they want to smoke some pot, you’ll ask if they want to try some THC-8 or some CBCVA. Or maybe it’ll be CBGA with some myrcene and limonene mixed in.
The crystalline I tried was made by Oleum Extracts, one of the only processors in Washington that produces it. Justin Marsh, co-owner of Oleum Extracts, said that even at $120 a gram, it still sells out. (You can find Oleum products in stores across Seattle, including Dockside Cannabis, Have a Heart, Vela, Uncle Ike’s, and more.)
The crystals I smoked don’t resemble the leafy green buds of cannabis, but they’re actually a highly concentrated form of weed. What I was dabbing is called THCa crystalline, and it’s the crème de la crème of the cannabis concentrate world, where dabbable extracts routinely test over 90 percent THC, but only crystalline reaches the 100 percent mark.
That’s all to say, pot is complicated. Rigorous clinical research probably doesn’t include me sitting at home doing dabs of THCa rocks on a Saturday night, but products like THCa crystalline and processors like Oleum are still doing valuable work in unraveling the inner workings of cannabis. Guild Extracts, a California processor that was one of the first to release THCa crystalline, even won a federal patent for its process of isolating the crystals. Mike Clemmons, owner of Guild Extracts, said products like THCa crystalline can control the type of high that pot delivers.
“Every time we get some in stores, it sells out. So for us, the difficulty is putting it out fast enough,” Marsh said.
Researchers are constantly finding differences between these chemicals. A University of Mississippi study found that some cannabinoids produce an antidepressant effect on mice, while others had no perceived antidepressant effects at all. And we haven’t even talked about terpenes, the aromatic compounds found in pot that are widely considered to modify the physiological effects of god’s greatest herb.
THCa is one compound that Oleum has managed to isolate, but we still don’t have a good scientific understanding of how all of the cannabinoids work. For almost 50 years, the federal government has made it incredibly hard to study pot and its chemical makeup. But what scientific research has been done, combined with decades of stoner experimentation, yields a fascinating wealth of possible benefits from these individual cannabinoids.
These crystalline rocks are incredibly exciting